My life was completely
different two months ago and between then and now I have become a totally
different person. If I had to describe my former self, overall, I would say
that I was very self centered individual--even though I am, and have been for
all of my life, a very caring individual. I also never wanted kids and could
never imagine the possibility of having kids. I don't relate to them, I have
always thought they were often kind of snobby, and mean, and don't have
developed reasoning skills.
About a week before
having the bombshell dropped on me I was up late playing League of Legends, a game I was quite addicted to for a couple of
years. I played many games with many people, but for some reason this one
interaction in particular stuck out to me—I thought about it for days
afterwards for no particular reason.
I was in champ select
and the fourth pick keeps spamming chat with "mid Teemo" "mid
Teemo". Obviously not caring—first pick decides to take the mid position,
I pick my role second and when Mr. Fourth Pick’s turn rolls around the guy auto
locks the Teemo—who is typically played in the mid position.
Frustrated at the
thought of losing the game, I type into the chat window "Oh you must be
12." To which he responds "Actually I'm 30 with 2 kids how about
you?" His response took me aback and so I said the only thing I could
think of at the time to say in return, "31, no kids."
I wanted to type
"knock on wood" afterwards but just as I started typing the game
started to load. I remember even thinking during the loading screen that I
should knock on the table or something just in case, but then pushed the
feeling aside as being needlessly superstitious. My team ended up having a
great game, Mr. Fourth Pick’s Teemo ended up being a non-factor in an easy
victory, and life went on, but for some reason I’d thought about this
particular event for several days afterward.
Fast forward to a week
later and the day starts out like any other, I don't honestly remember what all
I did that morning—I think I went out with my girlfriend to get coffee or
something like that, but I do remember that later in the day we ended up
getting into a heated argument over something insignificant that made me walk
away out of anger. As I was sitting outside alone still a little angry, my
girlfriend came out and said the words, "I think I'm pregnant."
Being a sexually
active 31-year-old guy, this was not the first time I heard those words strung together in that particular order. After having
heard it a few times, and it always turning into nothing to worry about, you
start to develop a kind of immunity to the words.
I quipped back,
"What makes you think that?" I remember feeling pretty nonchalant at
that moment, thinking she was going to say something like, “I’m a few days late
for my period,” and that we would go get a test that would inevitably come back
negative and life would continue on. Instead she replied with, "Because I
took two pregnancy tests and they’re both positive.”
Well then, I would say
two tests with reported 99.9% accuracy saying you're pregnant warrants a little
more than an, “I think I might be pregnant,”—In the mean time, Why is the room
spinning all of a sudden? I remember my internal dialogue firing off in my
head, thinking a thousand different thoughts a minute as time seemingly
stopped. My first real thought was to burst into tears, and my second thought
was that I didn't want that to be the first reaction to having my first child.
What happened the rest
of that day all seems like a blur now, filled with fleeting thoughts, emotions
and feelings. My girlfriend and I talked about all of the things regarding
parenthood we could possibly think of at the time, which wasn't much and the
day continued on. The one consistent thought that I had throughout the rest of that
day is that I didn't know exactly how yet but I knew my life would forever
change and almost everything would never be the same.
