Becoming A Dad-Pt 3: I Never Wanted Kids

  Up until a few months ago I could never understand anyone's fascination with kids or with babies. Babies especially, they all look the same to me and they don't ever seem to do very much. I wouldn't say that I was a baby hater but I definitely did not want to ever be anywhere around babies period. If I was at a restaurant for example and I saw a family come in with a baby and get seated in the same section as me I would be silently irritated. Then they start develop reasoning skills and they all become these little snobby slightly arrogant beings and that continues on for another 20 years or so.

  Apart from that, I have never felt the urge to create a family or to pass on my legacy or anything related. I always considered myself atypical in this sense. I never at any point in my life felt a desire to have kids. In retrospect I think I always felt that I wasn't ready to be a dad because I was selfish and I wanted to hold onto being able to be selfish. I liked the thought of complete freedom and being able to do anything that I want to do at anytime but looking back on it now I feel more free than I ever have. In the past few months all of these feelings have vanished and I feel like a completely different person than I was even a short time ago. I realize now that a big problem in my life for a long time has been that I truly haven't cared about myself. Of course I have always wanted nice things and to live a good life but at the end of the day I think the best way that I can sum up the last few years of my life is that I had been living in a self imposed prison for a long time. To the point where I started to view this prison as freedom.

   My other strong argument I would always bring up whenever the conversation of kids would come up in some random conversation was that the Earth is overpopulated as it is so why add one more? In retrospect this is also a reflection of the complete nihilistic approach that I often took towards much of the world. My mindset with regards to this particular topic has done a complete 180 over the last few months. I still believe that the world is oftentimes not a wonderful place but I also see possibilities to change and fix this that I never saw before. Your world often becomes what you surround yourself with and by realigning what I surround myself with over the last few months I have found it to be one of the most rewarding experiences possible. I haven't played League of Legends in months and no longer have any desire to. Instead all of the time that I wasted for so long playing video games I instead put into trying to launch a successful business. Had I not received the Earth shattering news that my girlfriend was pregnant I would not have even tried to launch a business at all and surely wouldn't have a blog which has turned into multiple blogs as well as a few paid articles.   While I never wanted kids for 31 years, I found that my mindset shifted almost overnight with regards to the issue and my whole life in general.